***
These her nagging doubts she would bring down on Father Tikhon later.
The fact that at the black and sunny Monday October 1993, probably for the first time after the triumph of Christianity in Russia and boldly climbed to the throne is hostile to Orthodoxy, and our other major religions power. A completely alien, the explicit and implicit robber slogans.
Right of the strong, uncontrolled personal enrichment, permissiveness in all blatant immorality.
Moreover, the attitude of the motherland and the people as the pie, who must have time to grab a larger piece, swallow and time slip away.
True Communists, claiming that there is no God, behaving as if he is.
Some were real martyrs.
Present, with candles, behaved as if there is no God.
They did not even try to "seem" but openly raised the flag of the country of evil, which is all.
She wanted to pray, "May they all are dead!" She took herself:
'Lord, put them away. Let lie on the stove, nursing grandchildren, dig in the garden or sunbathe on the Cote d'Azur just do not let them steer!
Ask this, "Lord, reveal to me His Will, for theirs is weak, embarrassed," says Father Tikhon, still silent man regarded her outpourings. That is correct, that you listen to your conscience, worried for their country - the Lord loves hot, be sure to give an answer.
Cut its will not always work. In recent times, many have to deal with the most, would lack the grace of the true shepherd.
Here I am, a sinner, sometimes embarrassed, I pray God will open.
It may be that the Lord wants us to for the last time sick with the temptation of the West and dissolute life. Or "sweet", whatever it is called.
This nonsense has long plagued us. Manna God gave Russia but we few, we "as there" Give! Well, got indigestion.
Maybe abscess must mature and shatter, and Russia to get well, because she was "holding."
Alternatively, indeed the last time came, that is, the union of evil; the Antichrist, printing on the forehead and hand.
If we go the broad way, where we present the kings of the draw, about what you are interpreted; maybe this is the end of time.
All in the Will of God. We said, "Fear not, little flock, I am with you until the end of time". "He who endures to the end shall be saved".
You can, and will live as a believer in the mountains have to hide in a cave. Come countless disasters, and then we have one means not to participate in their affairs. Escape.
Or maybe the Lord to work a miracle and save Russia.
'But why church pastors will not lead people to disastrous path?'
Father kept silent and waved.
I woke up in the night with a plate on the chest. Depression.
Prayers did not help. In her soul there were only disgust but impotent fury.
She realized she did not know themselves. What is desperately loved motherland - the one that no longer exists.
"Vigorous, powerful, no one invincible."
Where there is no rich or poor, where the "friendship of the peoples a reliable stronghold," where the "most-most." Where were working at Komsomol meetings for selfishness and amoral behavior where newspapers discussed what the difference between love and friendship, and demeaning I take tips.
She went mad with longing for this artificial hothouse world, a comfortable reserve, the native aquarium.
Let close, but now that the tank is broken and poured into his mouth and nose, "the air of freedom," was dirty, poisonous, she madly wanted to "go home."
Let the hype, the artificially created, but in the USSR.
Even now, turns remembered fondly. Even censorship.
Just think it was impossible to chat! If now is not crushed, not closed opposition newspapers! Not kill undesirable journalists!
On-screen friends werewolves scatter saliva demanded decisive action and "crush the vermin." There were ominous rumors were shot at the stadium, raped wounded girls.
It will save the market.
Carnations, roses, chrysanthemums, not Ukrainian, and Dutch.
Bouquets to celebrate victory "bourgeoisie." By eight to come, six to go. Every day.
She first worked in the winter. Twisted fancy bouquets. When there were no buyers, avidly read newspapers, stacks of newspapers, hoping to unearth at least a glimmer of hope. Very decent earning.
Most of the money sent out incognito opposition press; the only thing she could annoy the authorities. Yes, sometimes composing poems evil.
The CIS... She hated this abbreviation and drew a large coffin - a mourning ribbon entwined with numerous inscriptions in the form of sinister interpretation options:
Hope fulfilled Goebbels. Hope fulfilled Hitler. Knocked our coffin.
In addition, the hymn of Yeltsin's followers:
Die, the fatherland, a submissive flock!
Dump people burn and rot,
Banner of the Soviet, the national flag
The leader of our market and sell and spend on drink!
It is with pleasure bullies she loved to ride home on the train, and if there were few people stuck to the wall in the corridor or in the car, poems and leaflets:
Comrade, believe it will
Judas Yeltsin Khan!
And the whole gang of them, finally,
There will cover the.
Then it was inappropriate.
Then she saw the first couplet to overflowing lobster. Only instead of "Judas" was "the team."
Stupid childish, of course, but she could not quite nothing.
It seems that apart from her but a small "red-brown" flock nobody was interested sluggish apocalypse in a single country.
Where lighter then earn buy and sell at the highest price. Gossip, drinking, family problems, restricted primarily entertainment.
People tired of any former first new to the protest demonstrations, meetings, council, election predictions - nothing will change for the better.
Of two evils they choose more or both. Everything was ruined, perished: pyramid, hope enterprise, science, the military, schools, libraries, studios, fate.
Around explodes, collapses, burns, shaking, swept away from the earth.
The once invincible Holy Rus dutifully trudged for seducers and rapists, voted for them, asking for measly crumbs from the master's table.
"What's your poison drugged? Hangout in which deception brought?" Meekly inquired singer.
Vampires swell, burst from the blood. People scratched and silent.
How long, O Lord? However, it was not used much worse if it was given to us and the general welfare in place of Holy Russia and Soviet Russia there would be commonplace bourgeois kingdom of Mammon?
"And the spirit rested forever".
***
"You called to freedom, brethren, only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another."
(Gal.5: 13).
"Works of the flesh are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness.
Idolatry, sorcery. Hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies.
Hatred, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like.
I warn you, as I did before, that those who practice such will not inherit the kingdom of God. "
(Galatians 5:18-23).
***
'Lord, why is nothing happening? Shake us wake up, we perish!' She prayed, calling the storm. Feeling the country tightens disastrous quagmire.
Being unwell, Father Tikhon, retired to a monastery. The new priest, Father Alexander, scolding:
'What are you all about the world's grief, Joanna, without you will understand? Save yourself; you get out as much as you sin. Pray, to fast, to do good deeds, sacrifice at the temple.
She donated to the temple; the priest was a young, energetic, started a big renovation. 3abiral envelope with money encouraged:
'Do not lose your heart, Joanna, all the Lord has given you, live and give thanks.'
For power, of course, a pity, as they say, but there is so much churches open; they get married, children are baptized.
Joanna persistently seek truth.
Yes, she was lucky as a child. Pioneer believer, then Komsomol but is it not lucky today?
Good home, no health problems, with earnings, all family members are flourishing.
And indeed open temples and the whole of Russia aired Easter and Christmas services.
Where does this constant anxiety and melancholy feeling of complicity in a terrible action, in sin, akin to the crucifixion Crashes with the smell of sulfur Falling into the abyss
"And, as one, we die to fight for it."
"I am dying, but soon our sun will rise."
Is it possible to equate these martyrs to those who, robbing people, "eat, drink and be merry", unfastening of the unjust money to the temple with a kind benefactor? Brother priests and accusing the former government "of atheism"?
Father Alexander persistent attempts Joanna understand what is happening is not that did not like (it is in the soul of many agree), but scared and nervous.
He was at the very many dubious sponsors who donate large sums of money to repair the church, to them that everything was kept.
He also saw, in spite of a significant increase in the number of parishioners, the deplorable state of the shower compared to "scoop" the period. Especially frightening growth of sects and all aggressive "fishers of men" in the west and the east, drug addiction even among local schoolchildren.
And if the past was considered a sinner augmented fifteen girl become pregnant by a classmate, and his father, Alexander was happy when I was able to avoid abortion and marry children scaring sinners themselves and their families with their participating in the sin of murder and the Last Judgment, but now came a minor "righteous."
Being confident in their sinlessness, night professionals, able to use condoms and to find common ground with the police.
Generously extended a father bucks more children handle with artificial nails and hurt, wondering why my father does not allow for communion.
'Stay out of business heads and pray for their sins, Joanna,' commanded Father Alexander.
'I am now in obedience and do not care about anything - Joanna told herself.'
Tired, she went to the market to the station with stuffed purse and an empty cardboard box of colors. And around the same as it is, "fit" in the market: the engineers, writers, scientists, doctors, students, students, artists, and teachers.
Abandoning their profession, and service to others - to sell, to get, delivered, re-sold, traded, gave money at interest, which is forbidden heaven.
Grew pyramid schemes, and not having time to grow up, because I have to state racketeering and took away all the cash. Cleaned, on the grounds that the game can not be forbidden to play.
And swell the money dangled at his Hawaii or Canaries, something hastily privatized overgrown Mercier and villas.
And all around is still catastrophically collapsed, food, crackling, and do something with the money, and moaned, cried muzzy people, calling for justice and conscience.
Yes, a Christian patient, believing "in the good intentions of the king" and in truth the government has brought its citizens "Evil Empire"!
Moreover, no less muzzy from steep salary broadcasters, newspaper, and magazine scribblers unison repeated spells that are to blame "damn commies" who has brought the country to handle.
Moreover, what good to be reminded that it is in Gorbachev first disappeared soap, and then gradually, including the conscience.
'Why do people remain silent?' bewildered the opposition. And the people were part zombie, part-time survival, partly corrupted, having drunk too strange blood.
And spiritually ever slept.
These boys and uncles in their original packaging and wheelbarrows, with tin eyes, believing, like her son Shary that turning his precious life in accessible, like a roll of toilet paper, bank accounts, parties and presentations, their dread of ruin, loss or just a bullet in the dark entrance - and there is "The One".
Patients and "hard healthy" elderly and old people upstairs, possessed of power, clinging to her, infected by her as a plague - they too were "Trainspotting" and too afraid to release the steering wheel.
For in Russia weakened charioteer always thrown from a moving vehicle more dead than alive.
Then for a long time they threw stones at the corpse.
When she tired of hating them, then sorry.
"Vigorous, strong, no one invincible."
Her Moscow, shrine, conquered the enemies blood of many generations that was a symbol, a stronghold, protection against vampires has been rebuild.
Painted and vulgar, and box and cardboard, parody, like a port transshipment point these carts, boxes, bales.
If all at once rushed to move somewhere or to flee the sinking ship.
Or embedded athletes and marathon running in these Chinese and Turkish sneakers and tracksuits.
Or the world gathered at the bar, buying colorful gaudy rags of clothes port whores. Toxic bright packaging of things and people, chewing gum and products - products for the natives.
Pack deafening screaming, grappled dogs mating that these guys consider music with headphones. Blinkered eyes and ears dull monotonous beating on the brain of the headphones, as if they were driving the nails there.
And his mouth plugged with chewing gum, and the body in the morgue alcoholized, cabinet of curiosities.
And planted like a butterfly, the needle is slowly dying soul for collection of the prince of darkness, unaware of his death.
Crazy tenacious granny with vodka and cigarettes, bums, girls-nymphets, if descended from dirty magazines, areal mat.
And she, Joanna, with an empty wallet and stuffed the box in which the bones for her dog Anchar. In the black-and-blue, like everyone else, tracksuit, hastens the train.
And she do not care.
And everything is so beautiful and innocently began.
From speeches, that the fence is not necessary that the rest of the world will accept us with open arms, there will be no limits at all, no NATO.
With an innocent private cafe on Kropotkin "for the people."
Gave the finger, not just grabbed the whole hand, but also factories, residential areas, polygons, kindergartens, summer camp, holiday homes and resorts.
The state and its gold and diamond reserves, it collected over the centuries, covered with blood the earth, all for sale.
Did not have time to look, no Great Russia, the Soviet Union, will soon remain within the Garden Ring, where it is the cafe opened.
We started with slogans give freedom to all nations - who knew that these nations immediately at each other's throats?
Instead of clutching, then at least take care of patrons and to amuse, to set!
Ohmuril promises, television wizards and golden rods, pull out the interior with the latest savings.
Now we are not a great nation, and the herd scattered, scattered like a Cinderella ball after midnight. And our driver was a rat, the coach was pumpkin, and locked the gate.
Again, we like the seventeenth, to go into the service of Mrs-stepmother with her muzzy idleness daughters.
And to think bitterly, as speculated for centuries our ancestors, all there extra people, populists and revolutionaries - is to ensure we are given a priceless gift of life, to serve food and bedding for newborn nomenclature ghouls?
So do not want to think, but Joanna thought, knowing that she did not say aloud. In addition, if they say, no one stops to listen. In addition, if it stops, no one will hear, because I do not wish to hear. Then sent to a psychiatric hospital, and - not the first and not the last one in the Russian history.
I wake up with a hangover
No money no shit,
Eye swollen shut, the dust jacket,
Pants under the bed.
Well to what brought us
Communists, bitches!
Though Woland and his entourage gave daily sessions of black magic followed revelations.
Vouchers, various devaluation denomination shares inflated banks, financial pyramids, foundations, turns blank pieces of paper. Statements and promises at the highest level turn around and lie hot air; it was empty, artificial, false and fraudulent. Beautiful coffin with the dead bones.
Rare "good", like any charity funds "seemed" not "was".
Their whole world is built on centuries broke, turning to dust. As a body, which was taken out of the soul.
"The Lord has left," sadly thought Joanna.